Normal. How do you even begin to define “normal”? Culture teaches us what normal can mean, what normal should look like, and how to respond to what isn’t considered normal.
What is normal, really? This is a question I wrestle with, something I ask myself again and again. I have to understand the way I define normal because my definition most likely isn’t your definition. And your definition may not be the same as your neighbors or someone in your own family.
I say this all the time — I am normal. I live out my life with the mindset that I’m normal. Everything I do feels normal to me.
The truth is, I am normal…but I’m also not. I don’t “see” my physical disability. It’s not a big deal that I need help with many tasks each day. I’m so used to my limitations that I accepted them long ago. I can’t make them go away. I learned to live with them and mentally erase the obstacles. Sometimes that means being OK with another person coming along beside me to help.
I don’t see the fact that someone is feeding me or helping me with A, B, or C. That doesn’t usually come to mind as I sit in a restaurant or invite friends to share in my daily life. My parents or anyone offering assistance become an extension of me. They become my hands, my legs, the muscles I don’t have, and the extra strength or physical ability I need to get through another day. My wheelchair is also a part of me. This is my normal.
Family, friends, and the equipment I use to get around or do tasks move me beyond my limits.
As an adult, I realize this is not normal. I meet people who weren’t in my childhood and they wonder, “Can Laura do this or that?” “How does Laura do this or that?” I forget about the details because they have simply become instilled within me. I’m learning to step back and take in a different perspective.
There is a tension between my perception and my reality.
I constantly return to the question, “What is normal?” I have to redefine normal. I’m not going to listen to what culture says or people who automatically put me in a box without giving me a chance to show them my “normal”.
Sure, I have this thing called Arthrogryposis. I do tasks my way and I use a wheelchair when I leave the house. But I’m still normal…just like you.
We need to help culture change the definition of “normal”. Everyone is different. That’s a beautiful reality. We don’t want to be exactly the same. But our normals can overlap in many ways.
When your normal meets mine…when we start to expand our views…when we take the time to learn from each other…that is when we redefine normal as a whole. That is when we grow in understanding and begin to love the whole person.
That’s a normal I can embrace.
Next week we will look at How I Feel Limited.
Laura, I love that as we help each other, we become extensions of each other. It draws us closer. Thanks for your perception on that. I love that God made you so insightful, and I look forward to sharing my work with you. You always have valuable input. I hope we can get together soon; just knowing we’re getting together spurs me on. Thanks, friend! As for normal, it’s normal for us to need each other, that’s how God made us. I think that’s part of relationship that we were made for, one way God makes us more whole here in this fallen world.
Yes! We are made for community. Thank you, friend! See you soon.
Laura, you know how I love your heart and honesty. I’ve tried to define “normal” in my own life many times since Ryan’s accident. Everything changed that night. It’s hard to accept a new “normal” at times but like you explained so beautifully, the more we accept our journeys, the more normal they become — for us. Our new normal includes a wheelchair and ramps and medical supplies we never thought we would become familiar with. It includes struggles with insurance companies, medical doctors and a world who says we are prepared for the handicap but who clearly are not. The normal at our house is definitely different than the normal across the street, around the block or across the states. The one thing that our normals do have in common though is that our God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He’s got us. He sees us through the normal of our every day life and for that I am grateful every day. His grace is indeed sufficient in all things.
Oh Faye, I always love hearing from you. Thank you for sharing your perspective and constantly pouring out encouragement! Yes, those new normals can be so hard to accept, but God gives us the strength and people we need to see we’re never alone and we can embrace what He gives us. And we learn a bunch of things along the way, including deeper understanding and compassion. Hope to run into you Sunday morning!
Laura, I love to read your writings!!! Thank you❤️❤️
Thanks, Debbie! Really appreciate it.