Hard things seem to come in waves. And in the middle of those seasons, emotions go up and down too. Lately I’ve had days where I feel more messy and confused. I’m looking for that clarity I mentioned yesterday, but it just doesn’t come…at least not in ways I expect.

Multiple times I’ve said these words, “I don’t know what to do.”

And what usually follows is, “I’m not sure that’s the right answer.”

Being hesitant isn’t always a bad thing. There could be good reasons to not take one path and even better reasons to wait a little longer. Maybe God is growing that level of trust in my heart again. Maybe I need to sit with Him longer to strengthen my connection to the kind of courage that lasts beyond the current storm.

My heart is in a different place this time. These messy moments are pushing me out of isolation, out of getting stuck in my own thoughts. I can’t stay in the world of overthinking and mentally circling through the scenarios.

I have to be open and honest and say, “I don’t know what to do.” Deep down I probably know what to do next. Or I can see a possibility because God keeps bringing it to mind. He won’t let me forget something until I take that next step.

Part of what I’m learning is I can be brave enough. I can admit this is hard and find freedom in the honesty. And that vulnerability is also leading me to community.

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